am i stupid or do i just not care anymore? this self-sabotage thing is getting old real fast and i just can't fast anymore. i dunno whether i'm not in the mood or if i'm too tempted ot what. this morning the scale said 266.something, i refuse to beleive this. it no longer exists, that number. i'm telling myself that it's me retaining water b/c of my cold, or that it's poop weight (sorry, graphic, i know). i have to fit in that dress but i don't think i will. i want it so bad, SO FUCKING BAD, so why did i tell my mom i wanted LASAGNA tonight for dinnner? why did i not go to the gym today? AND WHY THE HELL DID I EAT THOSE FUCKING SWEETS??


i hate myself right now... i wanna fade to black and go away. let somebody who deserves life exist in my place.

Elle