Monday, April 18, 2011


hey lovlies,

so, i hope you can glean that i've decided to not do ABC right now, it's just that with my schedule it isn't gonna work. today i saw Hanna in the theater with H. it was good, but the camera bouncing gave me a headache. Wednesday i'm going to Cleveland with H to see her sister's, B, art show. We're also gonna see Jane Eyre up there which will make my life. it looks sooooo gooood. i've ended up fasting today, this morning i was 262.8 so i just felt like a fucking hefer. i Can probably make it the whole day, but if i don't i just wanna weigh myself before i have to eat.

my plan is to permanently make it outta the 260's by Monday of next week. which s do-able.

sorry for the shortness but i only had a little time.
here we go,

i binged, well not really but i felt like i did (scratch that it was a massive intake of crap). Damage Done = 2 foils of poptarts (800 cal, oh god kill me), 7 generic oreos (490 cal), and most of a bowl of pasta(500-600 cal). TOTAL *closes eyes* = 1890 cal. i'm gonna go die now.

took almost 3 times the recommended dose of laxies and now i'm gonna go sleep/cry. my fast barely lasted 19 hours.

plan: tomorrow = FAST
Wednesday-Thursday = try not to show my food problems around H, S, and my family
rest of Thursday-Saturday = FAST
Sunday = try to gain some semblance of control or normalcy back.

hope you all are stonger than this lame dick i call my self-control.
i'll be out for a while, i'll talk to you all when i can look myself in the mirror.

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